Reviews From The Cinema Junkyard: F

Fantastic Planet (1973)

You've seen numerous films about alien planets and aliens. Welcome to the real deal. This French film shows an alien world that is, for the most part, utterly alien. The filmmakers don't take the time to spell everything out for you and some of the film is just too weird to wrap your head around, just like, uh, an alien culture might be. The animation is jerky and weird, perfect to depicting an alien world. This thing is out on DVD now and would be the preferred way to see it. The old United American Video Corporation VHS is the version viewed for this review.

Entertainment: 5 (Worth looking at -- period)

Crap Factor: 1 (rates that simply on the grounds that it is weird)

Value: 4 (perfect for those needing something a touch odd in their collection)

The rating system and how it works

Each film will have three different ratings:

Entertainment Value -- This will be a simple 0 through 5 rating system. Zero would, of course, mean you should walk past it like a drunk vomiting on the sidewalk, and a five would indicated you couldn't ask for anything better for an evening's viewing.

Crap value -- This rating goes from -5 though 5. -5 would mean the film is something I wouldn't let my dog sniff, and a 5 would be a classic of crap cinema. A zero would be something you might watch with your parents, meaning it is neither crap nor shit. There is a difference.

Monetary value -- This is rated at a 0 to 5. Zero would mean you should toss it away from you in utter disgust even if someone paid you to take it, and a 5 would be something worth running over your grandmother and her walker to purchase.

All ratings are utterly subjective, so, please, don't hold me responsible. Keep in mind there are these things called "video rental outlets", so you should always test my theories before plunking down your cash and/or wasting your time.

Reviews From The Cinema Junkyard

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The rating system and how it works

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