C

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)

Hammer Films made a history for themselves with their long line of horror films. Werewolves, vampires, zombies, Frankenstein's Monster and the like were the basic ingredients. Kind of a British version of the Universal monster movies. Well, all good things eventually fade away, and Hammer Films started losing ground in the shocking Seventies with Gothic Horror failing to grasp modern audiences like it used to. Enter Captain Kronos, a new breed of character still using the trappings of the classic Hammer movies. This pale cat kicked supernatural ass. Fun and fast-paced, this movie is a great way to have fun on a lazy afternoon. Let's not forget to mention you get to see the ever-lovely Caroline Munro at her peak. The utterly ancient Paramount VHS release was viewed for this review. (Yeah, I still have two racks full of VHS, babies, so get used to it.)

Entertainment: 3 (only because it does slow down for just a little bit)

Crap Factor: +2 (okay, it has monsters, but it's ripping great fun otherwise)

Value: 4 (well worth checking out and adding to your horror library)





The Clonus Horror (1979)

This film is one of those that sneaks past you as a cheese-ball piece of nonsense, but it is a creature of a different kind. Low-budget? Yes, but very well written and decently acted. The story of a young man in love and training to go to America. Yeah, you heard right. America. Where are these young folks living? Well, a farm, to be honest. No plants here, but after a little surgery, they do have vegetables. It's a body farm. These poor saps are being harvested at the peak of health. And the conspiracy doesn't stop there. This film seems rather plain by the standards of today, but if you look at it carefully, you can see an amazing bit of cinematic paranoia that is well worth taking the time to root out. The absolutely ancient Catalina Home Video VHS was viewed for this review, but the film is available on DVD for you hipsters out there. Oh, and check out the total ripoff called The Island (2005).

Entertainment: 4

Crap Factor: 1 (Weird subject matter, but a very good film overall)

Value: 4 (Definitely worth adding to your library)